Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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