Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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