Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
