At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
