my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
