It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
