Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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