I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
