We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
