Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
