in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
