DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
