And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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