ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
