I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
