You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
