Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
