I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
