FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
