You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
