i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
