there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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