Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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