Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
