I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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