I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
