Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
