You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
