I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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