He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
