nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
