the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
