I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
