I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
