i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
