***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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