Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
