You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
