addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
