I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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