my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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