Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
