How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
