apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
