My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
