A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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