The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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