i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
