do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
