weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
