turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
