i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
