i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
