K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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